It's been three days. That's a record for me I think. Since Ethan's grounded, I haven't much felt like writing in here. Go figures. Life has been okay, far from great. I feel really lonely, cause uhh, no one calls me, and yeah, I just feel ALONE. And it's also the fact that I miss Ethan. I miss his voice, our conversations, I really really miss the moments when he says, "I haven't said this enough, I love you." I live for that moment. I wish I could tell him I love him at least one more time. I feel like I should hit myself over the head, I feel like I didn't tell him enough on saturday. -hits head- There are so many more things I wish I had told him on Saturday. I guess it just didn't sink in that it would be practically FOEVER until I could talk to him again. It hit me about yesterday, when I realized that my phone wasn't going to ring the normal Ethan ring. :( You also know what is sad a pathetic, it's only been three days, and I've written him so many letters. I can't get him off my brain. I LOVE YOU ETHAN (even though you won't read this until like oct.).
School's been okay. I've had a few laughs here and there. I'm doing my best not to let on to how much I feel alone right now. I feel empty too. I need his voice, and I can't listen to his old phone messages because they make me miss him so much. Yesterday during 5th period, I went into the bathroom and listened to his messages. All 17 of them. Wait, 14, three are from my friend Mattty. And I cried like a new born baby. Hahaha. And you could tell that I was crying cause my eyeliner was everywhere. I was too lazy to whip it off, and I was hoping it would give me and excuse to blow everyone off. You guys, I misses him so much. I need something to get my mind off of him, though we all know it won't happen. I'm going to the mall saturday, hopefully and friday maybe a football game? I don't know if there is a home one or not. GO -J-O-P-P-A-T-W-O-N-E -H-I-G-H-.
My day yesterday was complete shit. My day was seriously made when I saw one of Aussie's To Do Lists. They remind me of old times. Hehe, that girl makes my day and I love her so much. :)
I've been drowining myself in sugar, chocolate and soda. And I feel fat.